I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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