Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
