just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
