he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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