A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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