Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
