Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
