Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
