just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
