saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This house was built for laser tag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
