she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
