you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Randomize
