Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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