he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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