just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
