You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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