Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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