I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
