No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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