I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
