How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
