did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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