I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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