I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
