You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
