There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
