Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
