She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
3pm strippers are depressing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
