I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
