So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
