White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
