Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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