For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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