Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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