Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
