dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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