We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
