worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
