Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
