I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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