I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would ride that face into the sunset
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
