I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
