Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
