it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
