Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
