If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
