His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
