Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
