Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
