Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
