dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
