is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
