i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
