Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
