rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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