I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
