I think scott just propositioned me for sex
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
