I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
