Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
