I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
