This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
