but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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