you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
