just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
