I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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