My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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