I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
