I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
