is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
