That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
