I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
