Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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