So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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