dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
