so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
