I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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