you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
