You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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