Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
