pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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