i think my tv is drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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