you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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