dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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