i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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