he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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